Beautiful Goodbye
by Kimxchan
Summary: Lil' Xel/Filia songfic.


  
Song: "Beautiful Goodbye" - Amanda Marshall  
  
Disclaimer: Characters, not mine. Song, not mine. Filia/Xel pairing... use of phrase 'had sex'. Please Review, whether or not you like it. No asking for more chapters of He Thought he Had no Heart. ;)  
  
  
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Fed up with my destiny  
And this place of no return   
Think I'll take another day   
And slowly watch it burn   
  
Xelloss slammed his staff onto the body again and again in frustration. It had been years and he-a mazoku, for goodness sake!-still felt that emptiness in his heart. But that mission was over, done with. The body had been dead awhile now, it's unimportant face marred beyond recognition. One last bone breaking blow and the purple-haired mazoku fell backwards, panting.  
"Damn you! Get out of my mind!" He gripped frantically at his forehead, tearing at his hair. It came out with a sickening rip, and his scalp began to bleed. He smiled, "Damn... I keep forgetting that a human body has limitations." Throwing the hair to the ground, he felt it regrowing already. Xelloss looked around himself at the carnage. A bunch of humans, young, and foolish. "Trying to kill mazoku.. purge the land of darkness." He chuckled again, tearing his staff from the limp body and teleporting away.  
  
  
It doesn't really matter how the time goes by  
Cause I still remember you and I   
And that beautiful goodbye   
  
Filia watched the pottery in front of her, the smooth clay cool on her hands. This was her time to ponder, and often her thoughts drifted to that "Stupid Namagomi!" With a huff she rose, smashing her hand into the pot she was working on. Clay flew everywhere, and she sighed. She heard Val's deep breathing from the other room. Not bothering to clean, she slipped into her bed. Tomorrow would be a new day, with new worries. She couldn't fall asleep, however, and lay staring at the moonlit ceiling for a long time. "Namagomi no baka...." She shifted, curling into a ball, "Why are you still on my mind. I said goodbye... to everyone. Miss Lina, Miss Ameria, Mr. Gourry, Mr. Zelgadis..." and him. Filia tried not to think about him, and eventually drifted into a restless sleep.  
  
We staggered through these empty streets   
Laughing arm in arm   
  
Their last night together. Everyone got stinking drunk, even Filia and Xelloss(though sometimes the ryuuzoku would wonder if he was just faking it), which means a bar somewhere has wanted posters with a reward the size of a small nation out for the party. The tab, the damage, the usual reasons. Together they wandered the midnight streets, laughing, crying, and singing loudly. Filia and Xelloss managed not to kill each other, for all their constant bickering. They had stopped to argue, as the others went into an inn.  
"Selfish dragon! You're always saying how awful I am, but so are you!"  
"My race made some mistakes, but you, namagomi, helped slaughter millions of my kind! You!" Filia fumed, as always, and turned away from him, tail twitching.  
  
The night had made a mess of me   
Your confession kept me warm   
  
Suddenly, he had spun her around and kissed her. Not just a drunken mistake of a kiss, but a genuine kiss, passionate, soft. And warm on her lips. Xelloss didn't know what had come over him, but in that instant it was all he could think of to do. She had pulled away, once her mind caught up with the shock, slapped him, and ran away crying.  
  
And I don't really miss you, I just need to know   
Do you ever think of you and I   
And that beautiful goodbye?  
  
Xelloss watched her shop from a nearby tree. He watched Val, a child of seven, leave with Jiras as his escort, for school. He watched Filia through the window.  
"Why am I here? To kill her.. to get her out of my mind?" No... he had never wanted to kill her. Despite her hatred for him, he had never hated her. And that fateful night...  
  
When I see you now   
I wonder how   
I could've watched you walk away   
  
Filia smiled cheerfully at the customer, handing over the wrapped vase. And then her store empty. It usually was in the morning. Val was at school, Jiras with him. She walked into the back room, heaving a sigh at the previous night's mess. "Look, namagomi no baka, what you made me do. Now I'll have to clean instead of making pottery." But as she began to clean, a strange feeling took over, and she glanced out past the main shop, through the window. And stared, shocked.  
  
If I let you down   
Please forgive me now   
For that beautiful goodbye  
  
He stood, staring into the window, still. His mind was befuddled, and as he watched her watch him, he swore, mentally. She wasn't supposed to see him, he wasn't supposed to have to do this.  
But in the next instant Xelloss was moving slowly into the store, almost frightened. His mind resisted, but his body moved toward her. And slowly, his eyes opened. She didn't move as he put a gloved hand to her face, and whispered, "Filia, what did I do?"  
  
In these days of no regrets   
I keep mine to myself  
  
Suddenly Filia flinched, backing away from the mazoku before her. She shook her head, squeezed her eyes shut, kept herself from crying.  
"Leave, Xelloss. You aren't welcome here." And as she spoke, she knew it wasn't the right thing to say. That she had never wanted to hate him, that despite everything that drunken night, she had wanted to stay in his arms. But he was already gone.  
  
And all the things we never said   
I can say for someone else  
  
"Damn foolish mazoku!" He cried, beating at a tree in much the same manner he had beaten against the nameless soldier's body. Bark, and finally pulp splattered his body, but he didn't care. He never had.  
Aggravated, Xelloss returned to Xelas, who comforted him in the way she always did. There were no emotions, no please, when he had sex with Beastmaster, but he didn't know what he was missing. No, the mazoku pantomimed real relationships, murmuring absent words to each other, voices matching the perfect emotion... but there was nothing behind it.  
  
Cause nothing lasts forever, but we always try   
And I just can't help but wonder why   
We let it pass us by   
  
When Val returned home, he found his adoptive mother in the back room, gently working on another clay pot. She had obviously been crying, eyes red, voice raw as she spoke calmly, "Hello Val-chan. How was school?" He smiled, showed her the work he'd done, and she stopped the wheel. Beckoning him over, Filia gave her Val-chan a hug, perhaps more forceful than normal, for he asked, "Is somethin' wrong, mama?"  
The blonde woman shook her head, smiling, replied softly, "No, not at all. Momma feels better than she has in awhile. I... I finally let go of something, I think. It wasn't easy."  
Suddenly, he squirmed, "Momma, can ya' let go of me? You're hurting!" She laughed, and let him go, at which he scampered out the door, and she returned to her project.  
  
When I see you now   
I wonder how   
I could've watched you walk away  
  
Years later, Filia was on vacation, alone. Val-chan was a strapping young dragon, around the age Filia had been when she met Lina and the others. Jiras had long since died a peaceful death of old age. And Filia was getting on in years too, even for a dragon. She sat by the seashore, marveling that in all her years little had changed about this spot. Even the provincial town skirting it had failed to grow, the only difference a fresh coat of paint here and there, different faces occupying the homes.  
"This is so peaceful," Filia remarked to herself. And for the first time in a very, very, very long time, she felt an awkward stab of loneliness. And this puzzled her, so she pondered on it, and shook her head, bemused.  
"Even now, after all this time, the namagomi haunts me. But it's fitting, I suppose." A few children on the beach skittered away as the aged woman continued her monologue, "After all, he was important to me, however briefly..." A sigh escaped her lips, and she finished, "But did I do the right thing by pushing him away?"  
  
If I let you down   
Please forgive me now   
For that beautiful goodbye  
  
And Xelloss, looking and feeling exactly as he did that day years ago, suddenly appeared. "Always on cue," Filia smiled at him softly, he came to rest on the sand next to her, wrapped his arm around her form. He concealed his surprise at her frailty, but the ryuuzoku chuckled softly,   
"I'm getting old, I know. But... It's good, Xelloss, that you're here. I.."  
He shook his head, replied, "I know, Filia. Me too."  
"Imagine, a mazoku apologizing?"  
"Hai."  
Filia leaned her head against his shoulder, closed her eyes, and rested there for hours upon hours. Neither said a word, and eventually, with the sun setting, she fell asleep one last time.  
Xelloss picked up the frail ryuuzoku, pressed his lips against hers, and took her home.  
"It was a beautiful goodbye, wasn't it, Filia-chan?"  



End file.
